Anger

My name is Jack, I’m 22 and I was diagnosed 2 years ago.

I’ve struggled with uncontrollable anger my whole life. My main problem being, blowing everything out of proportion. Which I reflect on all the time and hate, but I can’t stop when it happens.. it feels like it hijacks my whole body. Logic, reasoning all goes out the window.

For example I had bought a product on amazon that arrived defective, I completely lost my temper after already being in a somewhat detached state, obliterated the item. Called the company themselves and threatened to call the police and wrote awful things on the return package, all within the space of 30 seconds… Why do I do this?

I reflect on it all and think, what a horrible disgusting person. If I were on the receiving end I would think they were not a very nice individual, and that makes me upset. I used to have everything going for me, I was an IT technician, going out with friends all the time.. and now I’m resorting to this? Why is this completely fracturing me into millions of different pieces. And why does the medication seem to do nothing.

DBT therapy doesn’t work for me, saying my problems out loud to someone who was top of their class doesn’t resonate with me nor solves my issues. Maybe I’m stubborn and haven’t found the right person.

I don’t think I’ll ever escape this anger. I have an amazing week with no troubles, but for at least one of those days it all comes flooding back. each and every time.

It’s not the dealing with it everyday that’s hard anymore, it becomes a part of you. it’s being on a good path for once and being derailed in a matter of minutes over and over again. that’s exhausting.