Lost my 4 year old Golden fur baby a week ago

It feels very unfair, he did not deserve it this soon, that's all what's going in my mind. He was a happy, healthy dog. Routine checkups showed nothing, he was very active and did not show any signs of problem. One day my mom suddenly noticed his belly was getting bigger, without any signs of problem before, for a few days we ignored it thinking maybe his weight was increasing because of his diet, but it we still took him to the vet. Out vet told us it was ascites, never heard of it before. He was just a 4 year old golden retriever puppy who had much more happy days ahead.

I researched about it online and my parents took him to the doctors every day, they removed the fluid and advised us to get some blood tests, ultrasounds, and other tests. They found that his liver had some complications, and his overall gut health was deteriorating because of it. We got advised to take a PCR test and found that he was positive for Babesiosis Gibsoni, it is a kind of parasite that gets inside the bloodstream through Babesiosis Canis (a variety of tick), it stays in the blood and destroys the Red Blood cells.

We always gave him tick tablets, vaccinations, anti-tick body shampoo and what not, but somehow, the parasite managed to infect him.

We started his treatment. For two days he was absolutely fine, we, and the vet, thought he would recover from it as he was a young boy and he was not showing any signs of problem or lethargy but on the third day he vomited in his bed at night, and we rushed him to an emergency ward. They said it's just a tick fever and gave him a few injections and told us to take him to our home and come back if we face any problem.

All of this was happening while I was travelling back to my home after 2 months to my parents from my Uni, which is several hours away from my hometown. He was the happiest soul in the room when i came back and never left my side, but this time when I got back and rang my bell, he did not come to meet me. I saw him sitting at carpet, just staring at nothing, as if he didn't know I was there at all. When I got near him, he recognized me through my scent and tried to get up, but his rear legs could not work. I was instantly in tears and told my parents to rush back to the vet.

They started giving him more medications. He started having seizures, and the doctor told us that he won't survive because the ammonia that his liver could not filter was going to his bloodstream then to his brain and we need to euthanize him. Me and my family were devastated but agreed to it, the doctor told us the to sign an agreement form.

I told my brother to rush to the hospital, he who was the one who brought this lovely soul to our home, and as soon as he got there, he moved and tried his one last time to wake up.

Doctors rushed in and told us he got cardiac arrest, they revived him this time and just seconds before they were ready to euthanize him, he got another cardiac arrest, and my baby said goodbye to us forever.

I've never felt more broken in my entire life, and my parents too, if not more.

I keep feeling the regrets of not being able to identify his liver problem before, and what we could have done right. Every day I remember his face and miss him. I know that we gave him all the love, but still I feel like we could have saved him only if we did something better.

The only thing I feel grateful about is that I was able to tell him goodbye, as it was a miracle for me that I reached back to my home the same day before losing him, and I was never thinking that I was going to lose him and booked my ticket on a random day. If I was even 12 hours late, I would not be able to be by his side during his last moments.

I'm not a very religious person, but if there is a god, I beg him to always keep my baby's soul happy. But that's all I can do now as a human, grief sometimes and sometimes cherishing his sweet memories in my own mind.

This is the longest post I've ever written but trust me I could use all the words in the world to express my love and still not run out of things to say.

Please if you have pet, enjoy every single moment with them like it's your last day and always get them regular full body checkups so that you can timely get them treatment, and lastly, love them with all your heart.