5-Year vs 8-Year Age Gap (Eldest Has ASD) — Looking for Experiences

Hi everyone,

I’d really appreciate hearing from parents who have either a 5-year or an 8-year age gap between their kids — especially if your eldest is on the spectrum.

Our oldest has ASD, and we’re trying to think carefully about what kind of age gap might work best for our family. I go back and forth a lot.

Part of me feels like a 5-year gap could allow them to grow up closer together and maybe develop a strong bond. But I also wonder if an 8-year gap might mean less rivalry, less overwhelm for my eldest, and a more nurturing dynamic rather than competition.

If you’ve been in a similar situation, I’d love to know:

•	How your oldest handled the transition to a sibling

•	Whether there was jealousy or increased behavioral challenges

•	If they play or interact much

•	Whether the larger gap helped with maturity and understanding

•	If you’d choose the same spacing again

I know every child is different — especially with ASD in the mix — but real-life perspectives would mean a lot.

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences 💛