My birthday is coming up

Birthdays are triggering for me. For multiple reasons but I’ll focus on relationships in this post. My first boyfriend, I went all out for his birthday for 2 years. When it came to my birthday he didn’t even get me a card - anyway I’m over him but I carry trauma from it.

My most recent ex, he ended things 6 weeks ago due to losing feelings. His birthday was a few months ago and I planned an amazing staycation, made a handmade card, and a hamper filled with presents. He said it was the best birthday he’s ever had. Now my birthday is coming up, and I am feeling all the trauma of my birthdays come back. I don’t even think I’ll get a text from him. He ended things and I genuinely don’t think he was in any pain from it. He always told me he can detach so easily from people and I guess I’m one of them now.

I always go all out for my partners birthdays. Maybe I need to stop that? I always get left by the time my birthday comes around. Anyway I hate it and feel like I’m not even worth a text.my sense of self worth is in the gutter