I’m not sure what’s happening.

This may be quite disturbing…I’m coming here in hopes someone will understand. I’m Bipolar II, diagnosed months ago. Currently off medication ( due to last reaction). I’m in a diffrent state. Recently I haven’t been myself. I communicate fine, I laugh, I joke, I play, but I’m not all here. A part of my mind is dead. Best way to explain It feels hollow…it feels like the backrooms…somethings lurking in my head and I can’t put a finger on it.

At the same time I feel like I could chop off a limb and not feel a thing. I’m having graphic thoughts involving self harm. Self harm isn’t new to me but it’s gotten gore like. I don’t feel like God let me make that clear. But isn’t it fascinating how the human brain works? Id go into more details about what I want to do to myself and things I’m fixated on but it probably get taken down.

I do not hear voices. I do not currently feel suicidal, I do not feel depressed, nor hypomanic but there’s something or someone in me and it wants me to hurt myself. It’s not me. I can’t make them leave. I feel possessed. It’s numbing but it feels like I fall into a trace where I want to act on what I’m thinking. They are getting stronger.