After 9 years of worsening DPDR, I just want to know what happened

If you're new to DPDR or if you're in a rough patch with your symptoms, I would encourage you to not read my story, as it could make you feel more hopeless, and I believe there is a lot of hope for pretty much everyone with this disorder.

When I first got DPDR, it was very mild. Just a very slight feeling of being off, but nothing that was life-ruining in itself. I still felt real and like things around me were real. It was so mild that it barely even changed my life apart from the fact that I knew that something was going wrong, and that was of course scary.

After around 4 months of very mild DPDR, it started getting worse and has never stopped since. Week after week, month after month, year after year it has gotten worse and worse to the point where I now feel completely gone with off the charts levels of DPDR and anhedonia, and it still hasn't stopped getting worse even after 9 years...

I know it sounds absolutely unbelievable, and I can't even comprehend how it's possible myself. I can tell that the people closest to me have a hard time believing it, but I gain nothing from lying about it. I am not looking for pity. I just want to know what the hell happened, you know...

It seems that most people either get very bad DPDR to start out with, and then slowly get better, or they have a baseline-level of DPDR, from where they have better and worse periods, but they always return to baseline. I know that every experience with heavy dissociation is painful, and I am not trying to minimize anyone's experience at all. I just don't understand why my condition has been progressive without a solid baseline. I know that I haven't treated myself too well, but it's still not normal to keep getting worse over such a long period of time.

I don't know what to do about it. I have tried quite a lot of things in the past, but these past couple of years I kinda gave up and just hoped that I would eventually hit the bottom of the symptoms, so that I could start getting better or at least stop getting worse, but I don't think there is a bottom to the symptoms anymore. Quite frankly, I am scared of where this might end up, even if I can't feel that fear completely. I had brain scans done in the past, and I have gotten blood work done as well, but I might get some comprehensive blood work done again, because it's hard to believe that there isn't anything physically wrong with my system. I've also tried most of the common types of trauma therapy, metacognitive therapy, CBT, including other things like a couple of supplements, some meds, exercise, and all of the typical advice etc. I don't know what to do, and I'm feeling very hopeless. I guess I'm just hoping for a miracle.

If you read this far, thank you very much, and I wish you all the best.