Why Your Social Skills aren't improving (And You're Wasting Years Because of It)

You keep watching and reading about ways in which to improve your social skills. You keep following related tips and advice, but none of it results in significant changes to your social life.  

After having analyzed 40+ of such cases (see comment history on my profile), I have come to several conclusions that I'll be laying out in this post. My last chapter on the nervous system is my biggest take away fyi.  

Some extra info: I'm someone who is extremely interested in social skills, language, and communication, who has had about 5 years of contact with studies, sources, and advice related to sociability. 

let's start with,  

✦ Why you should improve you speaking skills ✦ 

When it comes to improving your social skills, most people go into confidence and self-doubt and neglect the importance of improving their speaking skills, meaning getting better at speaking fluently and articulating yourself well. The process I describe goes as follows: when you improve your speaking skills, your confidence goes up in social situations, which then makes you more motivated to keep improving your skills and to be social, which makes your confidence go up even more, and so forth, creating a positive feedback loop. Although, this feedback loop works just as well from a negative framework. I will go into more depth on how to improve speaking skills, but in short: Speak, reflect on your speaking, see what you are and aren't doing right, then keep that feedback in mind the next time that you speak. Consistency and reflection are key here! Besides this there is another often neglected component of improving your social skills. 

✦ Why your nervous system is fried ✦ 

While this might be hyperbole, it is still imperative to take this into account always. I consider this the most important piece of the puzzle in getting results, where at this point, I've probably brought it up over a hundred times by now here on Reddit, and to the point where my social skills improvement regiment has turned into a system with the nervous system at its core. The nervous system is so important in the sense that you are less likely to interact socially and thus less likely to improve your speaking when you are nervous, anxious, or stressed all the time. This could therefore be one of the biggest obstacles to getting better social skills, all while this is often neglected. An excellent way to calm your nervous system down, to allow for better sociability, is to have the process of speaking and overall interaction become systematized to the specific social situations you find yourself in from day to day. With this, 

I keep the entire process structured in a repeatable template so I don’t miss steps or overthink it. I made a template for this if you want the full system. 
 

I wish you the best of luck! 🩵

TL;DR: Reflect and stay consistent with improving your speaking skills, this creates a positive feedback loop for your social skills. Calm your nervous system with a systematized method, to avoid the development of a mental state negative to your social skills, referred to a template for this.