Rough day

Yesterday was my most stressful day in work in a long time. There's always a feeling that my particular job is kind of a bit too good to be true. I teach 12 grade English at in the high school program at a public vocational college. I have small class sizes, cooperative students (for the most part), supportive administration, and maintenance parents. I have worked teaching jobs in which all of the opposite were true, and I'm just not cut out for it. Here I can make a difference for these kids by showing them something they haven't seen before, and getting them their diplomas so they can get on with their careers. But there's always a nagging feeling the the district administration don't really value what we do in this program and are on the verge of shutting down our program. A few years ago they cut our secretaries and support staff about in half and didn't renew a couple teaching positions when their occupants retired. Not saying there wasn't some fat to be trimmed, but doesn't engender a feeling a stability.

At the end of my planning period our ESE teacher dropped by my classroom. He says, "I just had a conversation with one of the ESE people at the district. I had some concerns about some of our applicants [because some students have IEPs that require services we aren't equipped to offer] and she said, 'Oh you don't need to worry about that; there are major changes coming to your school for next year. But don't worry -- you're ESE so **you'll** always have a job." Then he walks off. The insinuation, from my perspective, was that this was it. This ESE administrator at the district was hinting to him that they're finally shutting us down.

So the next class starts and I'm trying to process this while I get my lesson going. As I start teaching I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack. Mercifully the schedule is such that we have about 25 minutes of this period and then there's a break for lunch. So during lunch I called our Director (our school's title for the principal.) I babble something about, "I know I shouldn't listen to these rumors, but people are talking about the high school program getting shut down again and I'm freaking out."

To shorten a long story, he came straight over to my classroom and talked me down and assured me that everything's fine. There are some changes coming applications for ESE students are going to be processed -- that's all this was about. So stressful though. My adrenaline was through the roof.

It drives me crazy that we have these negative nancies at the school who are constantly saying we're going to get shut down. Every year since I've been here someone is making these insinuations. I thought I'd learned to let them roll off, but this time since there was actual procedural/policy substance behind the rumor I couldn't let it go.