I'm not sure what else I need to do to believe now

I have been...damn near tormenting my mind trying to believe in Jesus. You know how every other Christian can speak about the bible freely, talk about Jesus freely, their relationship FREELY...without feeling like it's wrong? Without feeling like it's untrue? What I mean by that is they know that the bible is true. The way God works is true. Jesus is true. I however, have been praying and trying for YEARS to believe in him and it's not working. I try to feel at peace and actually try to be with him but it's like I feel unsafe yk? Like I don't believe him. Every time I try to picture the resurrection or Jesus in my mind I view it as demonic. I'm you guys are thinking "this chick is crazy" lol Ik. I'm just not sure what it is the I'm missing. What logic am I missing for me to believe or am I just LITERALLY incapable. Maybe my hearts not in the right place maybe I just want him for heaven idk.