AIO: My Roommate / Best Friend Lives with me for Free and Wants to go on Vacation

My (22F) roommate / best friend of 7 years (23F) moved in with my boyfriend (20M) and I in early December since she fell on hard times.

TLDR at the end.

I suggested that she move in with us, get on her feet and get her own place, either in our state or whatever state she wanted.

She took a while getting a job, which I was understanding of— but it’s part time and she only works a few days a week, usually short shifts. Needless to say, she doesn’t make a lot of money. I have suggested that she get another job but she was worried that she “wouldn’t have any free time”. That part made me go ???? because… all you have is free time, you’re essentially homeless, if we’re looking at this objectively. If I was given this opportunity I would be working my ass off like 6 days a week so I don’t have to burden my friends. But I digress.

The goal was to have her save up and hopefully have her moved out mid-late Spring, around May. I seriously doubt this is going to happen at this rate. Not only does she not save her money, but she is also behind on her bills and has been spending

money on Doordash, new clothes etc. At this point, it feels like she’s just using this time as a vacation and not taking finding her own place seriously. My boyfriend and I have decided that even if she doesn’t have the money by May, she is still leaving. We tried to give her an opportunity to grow and become independent and if it doesn’t work, there is no one to blame but herself. We haven’t given her a strict deadline yet, but she knows that Spring is coming. We are planning on telling her either tonight or another time soon that she has until May to figure it out.

I feel that my boyfriend and I have been very generous letting her stay with us. Our rent is about $2200 a month, and we are barely making ends meet, so not having her contribute anything other than a grocery order (that her mom paid for) is a lot. We never expected her to contribute anything, we just wanted her to live a better life, but we are feeling taken advantage of. Not a single “thank you” has been uttered, and her actions have shown us that she doesn’t even realize what a massive favor this is.

Onto the situation at hand. She sprung the idea of going on vacation in the summer. She suggested around August, which is a bad idea for a multitude of reasons. First of all, my boyfriend and I’s anniversary is at the end of July, and we wanted to go on a little trip for ourselves if we can save the money up for it. Second, and the most glaring issue: she does not have money for this. It really baffles me that she’s talking about going on vacation when she has past due bills and her mom is calling her about them.

Her dad has offered financial help but she refuses to take it because she “feels bad”??? Like girl, he’s your parent… take the money… Especially if it can help you get into a better spot? I don’t get that part either. It’s a parent’s job to provide for their children and he wants to help her. Why refuse that?

Moving on. She mentioned going on vacation in our group chat. I made a comment how that’s not the most realistic idea right now, since her financial situation isn’t good (and frankly ours isn’t the best either). She shot back and said “I know my financial situation isn’t good. It’s all I think about.” Okay then do something about it? And why are you giving ME attitude. I guess she’s never heard of “don’t bite the hand that feeds you”. Working part time isn’t going to solve your problems. How can you even think about doing something like that when you’re in thousands of dollars in debt? I’m not saying she shouldn’t have fun at ALL, but it feels like a spit in the face to the people who are housing you for free, considering she hasn’t mentioned even getting her own place in weeks, and if you try to mention it to her she acts like a wounded puppy.

I don’t WANT to kick her out. I want to see her do better. But it seems like she doesn’t even know how to do better nor does she want to, all at our expense. We have been working every day, doing Doordash and our regular jobs, while she mostly sits at home and plays games and watches movies when she’s not working a 6 hour shift.

Just another tidbit to add to injury, she is obsessively trying to find a boyfriend in the midst of all of this, after getting out of a 6 year relationship. She tried to date my boyfriend’s friend (and live with HIM even though they only talked for about a month), and when he wasn’t interested in her she turned to Hinge and has been talking to dudes. Maybe she thinks a man will fix all of this for her and she can live with them. I wouldn’t be surprised.

I’m just so disappointed and frustrated. This is someone who I considered my friend but all she can think about are short term goals. I don’t even know if she realizes how much she is hurting me right now. I feel so used and honestly disrespected.

TLDR; My broke roommate / best friend talked about going on vacation. I told her that maybe it wasn’t the best time for it because her (and our) financial situation isn’t great right now. She snapped at me.

So. AIO? Our other friends in the chat made it seem like I am, saying “it’s just an idea” and “5 months is a long time.” (She’s lived with us for almost 3 and is still not doing well, so… I doubt things will be better by then either). One of our friends offered to cover for anyone who couldn’t afford it, but that’s a huge ask, and not the point of this discussion anyways. It’s not about being able to afford it, it’s about priorities. My boyfriend sides with me in this situation, if anything he is more upset than I am. Also any advice would be appreciated.