In light of a recent post about end of life wishes, here's an exhaustive list of questions to go through with your parents to plan for the inevitable

I, thankfully, still have my parents, but a couple years ago my boyfriend's mom died unexpectedly and I got my first taste of the death industry firsthand and all of the things that come with death. It totally shook me and so based on that experience I made this list of questions which my sister and I went through with my parents. We audio recorded it and transcribed it so that we have it ready to go when the time comes. Here is the list, I hope it will help others:

• Do you want to be buried or cremated?
• Where do you wish for your final resting place to be (cemetery vs someplace else)?
• Organ donation? Only certain organs or everything?
• Donate body to science?
• Donate body to forensic research lab?
• Eco-friendly disposal? (mushroom suit, tree, burial at sea, etc)
• If buried, how fancy of a coffin do you want? Extra layers of polyurethane (hundreds of dollars each)? Costco coffin?
• If cremated, do you want to be delivered to us in an urn or is the cheapest option (plastic bag + cardboard box) ok? Costco urn?
• If cremated, where to spread ashes?
• Have you pre-paid for any death-related things such as burial plots or grave stones?
• How can we access your money quickly to pay for your death expenses?
• Do you have a preference on the maximum amount of money spent on funeral/burial expenses?
• Do you want a funeral? Military funeral?
• Do you want a memorial service?
• For either, do you want a [religious leader] to be there? Who do you want invited?
• What kind of headstone or placard do you want? Fancy/expensive? Simple?
• What insurance policies do you have in place? Life insurance, long-term care insurance?
• How will nursing home expenses be covered? Is there extra coverage through military/tricare?
• Can we move you to another state?
• Do you want an obituary? If so, do you want to write it in advance? If not, who do you want to write it for you? Where do you want it published, and how long after your death?
• Who do you want us to directly notify of your death?
• Where is your will and how can we access it?
• Do you have beneficiaries listed on your accounts (these will override the will)? Do you have the beneficiaries listed as "payable on death"?
• Do you have advance directives? What do they say about life-saving measures? (need specifics, such as willingness to receive parenteral nutrition, antibiotics, ICU-level care, etc)
• Do you have a health care proxy listed?
• What are your wishes if you develop dementia?
• Would you be willing to be relocated to another country in order to receive better care (such as dementia community in Netherlands)?
• Are you opposed to being cared for in a nursing home if you are no longer able to live independently?
• Do you have the expectation that we will care for you in our own homes?
• Does the military provide any burial / cremation benefit? For mom too?
• How can we get access to your computer and phone?
• Do you have any recurring payments (such as subscriptions) that will need to be stopped?
• Do you have any pension plans and how can we access the information for them?
• Do you have any safe deposit boxes? What is in them and where is the box located?
• What property do you have (real estate, cars, etc) and are they paid off?
• Dad, if mom dies first, what is your plan for caring for yourself after that?
• Mom, if dad dies first, what is your plan for caring for yourself after that?