On the Definition of a “Lick” of Work

This is a preliminary investigation.

“We haven’t done a lick of work today!” I was told.

This assertion warrants scrutiny.

Physics provides a useful baseline:

1 joule is sufficient to raise an apple 1 meter.

From there:

•	Stirring coffee: \~5 joules

•	Lifting a full beer to mouth 10 times

(0.5 kg × 0.5 m × 10 reps): ~25 joules

If I perform all of these activities—apple lifting, coffee stirring, beer hoisting—I must concede the outcome:

they do not feel like “a lick of work.”

Subjectively trivial.

Physically modest.

Socially unconvincing.

However:

•	A 5-minute massage involves sustained force, stabilization, and repetitive muscular contraction.

•	Estimated energy expenditure: \~10,000 joules.

This activity:

•	Produces measurable fatigue

•	Generates heat

•	Cannot be completed absent effort

•	Is universally recognized as “doing something”

Therefore, I submit the following proposal.

⸻

Proposed Unit

1 lick of work = 10,000 joules

⸻

Corollaries

•	<1,000 J: “Barely counts”

•	1,000–9,999 J: “Technically effort, but don’t push it”

•	≥10,000 J: A lick of work has been performed

⸻

Conclusion

While joules alone do not define meaning, 10,000 joules aligns remarkably well with lived human experience.

Accordingly, the massage qualifies.

The beer does not.

I respectfully recommend adoption of the lick (ℓ₍w₎) as an SI-adjacent domestic unit, effective immediately.

Peer review welcome. Replication encouraged.