BC kyu liya mene science, kyu socha JEE karneka 🥀😭

so from COVID lockdown time I've been super interested in electrical engineering and sciences in general. I was introduced to it through a random yt video showing how to make a basic audio amplifier with basic ICs. Then as time went by it grew into a full on addiction. In 8th and 9th I'd stay hungry in the lunch breaks and say that money to buy components and parts for all kind of projects id plan to make. i had made 4 drone prototypes none of them worked and finnally on the 5th try I made a drone which could fly, I also made 3-4 powerbanks with salvaged lithium-ion cells from old broken laptop batteries and lead batteries. I made a disgustingly huge amount of audio amplifiers, boomboxes and completely diy bluetooth speakers all from salvaged parts of broken TVs and neckbands.

when 10th started I was forced to divert most of my focus to my studies by parents but I still would do something and make something or plan to make something in the weekends. but I gradually lost interest as academic work grew and with it pressure to study more increased. then in 11th parents had mentioned take admission into aakash coaching and that when I completely lost the one things I really really liked doing.

My brain is broken really. theoretical knowledge doesn't excite me at all. i like doing things practically. learning with trial and error experimenting. that's why I always liked maths and physics but chemistry never really suited me.

in 2025 jee mains i scored only 92%tile. was advised to take a drop so I did but couldn't stay very consistent and always procrastinated. now it end of feb, I didn't give jan attempt and forgot to register for April attempt. now my future is hanging on some random ass state exam which even in that has only 15% all india quota as I'm not a domicile of that state. I'm giving exams like comedk, WBJEE and MHT CET. and as I fucked up my boards too, I have to give nios exam to compensate. I'm fucking tired and annoyed of all this bullshit man. i should have just taken diploma instead like my friends and I'd also be enjoying life instead of being jailed in my own house studying all day. this is definitely not the life I ever wanted. I just wanted to do electrical engineering and enjoy my youth