AIO: 17F Food and Weight Micromanaged by Parents

Not sure if this is the right subreddit for this, but I (17F) have been fighting my parents for more independence since I was about 12 years old.

We "came to the agreement" that I'm only allowed to choose what I eat without negative comments if I lose weight, so every two weeks we have a "food discussion" where I talk about what I'm doing and they give me feedback, and I'm supposed to initiate it so that they see I'm "consistent" and "trustworthy" and I can "earn independence" in other areas. They also measure my body fat percentage every month and I have to track everything I eat in a log they have access to. Up until I got an inevitable eating disorder from this, I was a Cross Country and Track athlete. I sucked at it, but I was still running 3-6 miles a day. 5'2, 120lbs, 23% bodyfat if anyone is curious. I had to quit running because my body was failing me, my knees were giving out, my hips, my legs would lock up randomly, and I was developing what my parents believe to be anxiety (I wonder why). While being a runner, I'm also in dance at my school (and still am) and I still deal with these joint issues. I was eating around 1200 calories a day and they didn't care.

There was also an incident this past summer where my dad had some of his friends over, and one of his friends who lives pretty far stayed over with his two kids. Oftentimes, I end up doing my brother's (19M) chores because he's "busy with university". He lives at home, for context. I cook meals for him, I wash dishes, I do his laundry, shop for his clothes and actually lay out the specific outfits he's going to wear. I had washed his sheets and made his bed for him before the guests came over because they were staying in his room and he was at school. I also cooked food for the guests because my mom was working. After the guests left, he was home and not busy but my dad still washed his sheets for him. I felt that was unfair, but I didn't say anything because if I do it's always "he needs to study" as if I don't. So, I forget exactly what I said but basically I asked my parents to do it for me. My mom did, then came down and started saying that she felt like a slave. My dad got really mad and started yelling that he was going to "remember that for the rest of [his] life" that she said she felt like a slave. And started telling me to do the dishes. Which I did, because I know it's not fair to my mom to do all of this. He then started yelling about how if my mom felt that way, she should have told him and how my brother and I never do anything to help. I told him, yes, I could have done more. However, to lump me in with my brother and say I did nothing was inaccurate. I'm happy to do the dishes, just please be fair to me and acknowledge that I did help.

He did not like that. He started yelling "[My name] NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU! I UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE NEEDS, BUT THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU. SO SHUT THE FUCK UP. SHUT THE FUCK UP. SHUT THE FUCK UP. THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED, HUH? YOU WANTED ATTENTION. SHUT THE FUCK UP. SHUT THE FUCK UP. I'M GIVING YOU A TASTE OF HOW YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND WILL TREAT YOU IF YOU DON'T STOP MAKING EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU." By the end of this little monologue I was sobbing, almost collapsed over the sink with how badly I was crying. He then told me I had to wash dishes every day for the next month. Thirty minutes later I was still sobbing (as quietly as possible, because ever since I can remember when I cry loudly my parents say I'm attention seeking and trying to guilt trip them) while doing the dishes, and my mom came by and told me "I really don't know why you're crying. You don't have a right to cry. You should have helped me more with chores." And then the kicker: "Maybe if you did then you would lose weight because you would be more active and burn calories without realizing." Later, I was still crying and my brother told me that if I reacted this emotionally to what happened, it's because I'm not self-aware enough and that I should try to give my parents grace because it was their first time doing life, too.

A week later, we were on a road trip and my dad still hadn't apologized, which I told my brother. He then told my dad who said he was sorry for yelling at me (not for what he said, though) and that he had been drinking hard liquor (he's not an alcoholic, he barely drinks more than a glass on special occasions. Just thought I should say that.) We then "talked it out" in the car where he threatened to turn the car around and go back home and we came to our current agreement about me losing weight in order to not have my food micromanaged.

For context, I'm not a bad kid. I get all A's, I'm in some of the hardest AP classes on campus: I've taken AP Bio (5), AP Calc BC (5), AP Spanish Lang as a non-native (4), AP World History (did not take test) as a sophomore and I'm currently taking AP Chem, AP English Lang, AP Spanish Lit, AP Stats, and AP US History as a junior. I'd cry if I broke a school rule (unless it's a stupid one like the dress code), let alone a law. I've never had a boyfriend (I'm actually on a self-imposed dating ban because I feel I have too much trauma I want to work through before starting a meaningful, long term relationship and I can't work through it in this environment). I'm in a lot of clubs and leadership, I volunteer, I write (poetry, philosophical novels), read (nonfiction science, psychology, philosophy, classics), play piano, cube, STUDY, and literally every other hobby you can think of for fun. I refuse to get social media besides Discord, YouTube (I don't let myself use short form content), and Reddit (which I'm not even active on). I score really high on standardized tests. My teachers say I'm dependable and responsible. My parents say I'm "unparentable".

I keep feeling like I've done something wrong, or maybe I'm overreacting. Everyone in my family including my brother is so adamant that my parents are amazing parents. They want to write a parenting book. Maybe I am an attention seeking, guilt tripping, rebellious teen and I'm projecting my insecurities onto my interpretation of their parenting. Maybe they just care about me. But I'm not asking for them to let me do drugs. I just want to have the same privileges most teenagers have. I want to be able to not hate myself.