I (25M) was in a relationship with my ex-fiancé (24F) for almost 5 years and it just ended. How do I move on?

Only my second time ever posting on Reddit, so I’m very sorry if this post reads a bit strange. As mentioned in the title, my now ex-fiancé and I dated for nearly 5 years, and have been living together for almost 3. As with any relationship, we definitely had our ups and downs, but I truly loved her and our life together. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly when it started, but in recent months especially we had started to drift apart. During the early years of our relationship, she struggled a lot with low self-confidence, making friends, and figuring out what she wanted to do with the rest of life. She was also in a REALLY awful family situation (I won’t got into detail because it’s not my story to tell, but let’s just say that her parents are on the narcissistic side) that she was really desperate to get out of. This unhealthy relationship with her parents influenced her to switch her college major to something that she really hated, which put her into a very deep depression. A little over a year ago, she finally decided to switch her major to what she REALLY wanted to pursue, and I have never seen her happier. She has become such a confident, determined, and hard working person, and I cannot express in words how insanely proud I am of her. To be fully transparent, we have had problems with intimacy in our relationship since we first started dating. When we first met, she’d already had a few different sexual partners, while I was still a virgin. I think that, as a result of the lack of experience on my end, I have never been confident in myself sexually, and so sex became a very difficult activity for me to engage in. Couple this with the fact that I have a pretty low drive for a male of my age (in part thanks to the SSRI that I take), and the result was that we often went long stretches without that kind of intimacy. We discussed this issue multiple times over the years, and unfortunately I was never able to improve things on my end to the level that she needed. We even had discussions about opening the relationship (I was in favor of her doing what she needed to do to fulfill her needs - I knew it might hurt, but I couldn’t stand the thought of losing her), but ultimately she decided that she couldn’t do it, which I completely understand. About a week ago, we had a discussion that ultimately resulted in us deciding to break-up. She told me that she no longer felt that I desired her (which is completely understandable) and that the romantic attraction just wasn’t there anymore. I ultimately told her that I understood and that, if that is how she feels, we should just be friends. It was the single most respectful and truly amicable break-up that I could have ever imagined having, and for that I am unbelievably grateful. We have both acknowledged that we still have a lot of love for each other (she said that she loves me more like a family member than a romantic partner), and she has said that the thought of hurting me scares her more than anything else. While I definitely still have some romantic feelings towards her, I value her friendship so much more than those feelings and am truly trying my best to be as respectful of her boundaries as possible. For the time being we still live together (she is in a difficult financial situation and offered to move in with her best friend, but her friend is in an abusive marriage, so I insisted that, as long as she is comfortable, she should stay), with us sleeping in separate rooms.

With all of the backstory out of the way, my question is this: how do I move on from what was the best stage of my life? I realize that the situation is still very fresh (it’s only been a week), but I just feel so unfathomably purposeless. In less than a day, I went from sleeping in a bed with the woman who I thought I would spend the rest of my life and grow old with to sleeping (when I CAN sleep) alone and feeling even more alone. I have talked to friends and family about this situation (all of whom have been so amazingly kind), but it all still just feels so wrong, and I feel guilty for burdening them. I have never had to feel this kind of grief before (I am very fortunate that nobody close to me has passed away up to this point in my life) and it is without a doubt the single worst thing I have yet to experience. I alternate between feeling “okay”, to feeling dull and numb, to feeling immensely depressed (on the first and second day especially, I really did not want to be here anymore). I truly harbor no anger or bitterness towards her AT ALL (I completely understand why she feels the way that she does and I truly respect her so much for being so honest about it), but I’m just so, so, so sad and unhappy with myself for allowing things to get to this point. I honestly didn’t even know I was capable of feeling this much until this all happened.

So what now?

I know that keeping yourself busy and getting into new hobbies can be helpful, but I just feel so purposeless and hollow right now. She was my North Star, my entire reason for being (unhealthy, I know), and now I have to find some reason within myself to keep going. I have a great job and great coworkers, so that is keeping me somewhat busy, but it can be so difficult to concentrate on my work now (which used to come very easily to me).

Any advice that you can provide would be very much appreciated.

I’m trying my best to be okay for my friends and family, but I just feel so directionless right now. I have no idea what to do with the rest of my life or why I am here, and that is terrifying to me.

If you’ve made it to the end of this post, thank you so so much for hearing me out. Typing all of this, while difficult and a bit scary as someone who has a tendency to bottle up their emotions, has been cathartic in and of itself. I’ve already gotten some advice from my friends and family, but I really feel like I need outside advice, too. I will take ANYTHING I can get at this point.