I think Allah may hate me

Hi, sorry I’m posting this to have advices because I think that Allah may hates me and I don’t know exactly why.I’m a 21 girl living in a Western country and every Ramadan since years now I can’t stop committing sins that I tell myself I’ll regret, I know I shouldn’t really expose them but wAllahi I’m doing this to have help. The two that I am ashamed of is listening to music and watching explicit things I shouldn’t watch, there’s also a third one which is also as bad and every single Ramadan I commit them even tho I tell myself I won’t and the worst is that I don’t feel bad about it till Ramadan is over.

This year I started planning all the acts of worships that I’ll do that I procrastinated on doing the last years and it went really well the first days: I started to do a khatma of the Quran and was advancing pretty well, I prayed Tahajjud at night, I did tasbih whenever I remembered and especially I loved praying ( which I see as a task all year even tho I shouldn’t) . Then it just started to go down, I start to neglect some of these acts of worshipped till I neglected them all, and I don’t know if there’s a correlation ( maybe there is) but I was asking Allah that he gives me the internship I wanted and kept asking that in all my duaas and with sincerity and belief that he WILL give it to me.I did not get it and told myself that surely there’s a good behind that and since then everything started to go down. Today I committed the three sins I talked about and the worst part is that I didn’t even feel guilt, like I felt some shame but it wasn’t sincere, I wasn’t seeking forgiveness. I was gonna re do one of them and the only thing that made me not d it was the fear of dying while committing the sin. I really feel a bad feeling like Allah is really mad at me and don’t want me to go away of this circus that I have been doing every Ramadan. I have some ideas at why he may not want me to succeed but I am not sure, the first is that I have been neglecting my fajr prayers which is very very bad and I may have not asked for a sincere forgiveness.The second is that maybe I have been wrongful to my younger brother which whom I had a fight and have been very mean tohim and the third is that it’s been almost one week I haven’t talk to my dad(we live in the same household) because we had kind of a “fight” and kept not talking to each other even this these last days we greet each others and I went and kissed him on the head yesterday but we’re still not talking and the prophet buy has said that the anger of the dad leads to the anger of the God so maybe that’s why Allah is mad at me.

Also there’s an important detail is that I come from a religious household, Alhamdulillah my parents have teach us what’s good and bad in details and later I learned from Islamic books the severity of certain sins and their punishments so the fact that I know all of that and still proceed to commit this sins is worse than if I didn’t knew.

I forgot to say that one of the sins that I commit I always have the desire to commit it during Ramadan but feel disgusted by it the rest of the year, maybe Allah doesn’t want me to make profit off of the month of Ramadan in term of duaa and repentance est idk

Anyways I don’t really know how to make a sincere repentance, I feel like everything I do is fake, even some acts of worship I feel like I do them because I want something in particular or when I have a moment of increase in my faith. I lack discipline a lot maybe that’s why I feel like even tho I ask for forgiveness I will go back to those sins. I am just so thankful that Allah has still been good to me all these years even though I made myself a literal clown but I really feel that the fact that I keep having “bad Ramadan experiences” is ruining the rest of my year. Anyways maybe it’s a bad thing that I publicly admit my sins here even tho Allah hid them from the world and maybe that the fact that I am doing it is itself a sign that Allah doesn’t want my good. I know that I shouldn’t think of him like that because he is what his servants think of him but I am thinking this as a result of what happened to me.

I’m sorry if I made a lot of faults or some sentences seem non understandable I am writing this very late( when it would maybe better for me to do qyam al layl)but if someone had a similar experience and it then went well please share it with me