L posting

I have no conception of what I look like, to the point that the discourse around beauty/height etc etc has had no hold on me. I genuinely can't tell if I am attractive or not. This has never really been a concern for me until I've found myself growing feelings towards a man who is highly attractive to me, instilling an all new fear of rejection. I dated a very good looking man once before and it made me hesitate a little about my looks, but not to this extent. On paper I have all the hallmarks of being attractive. I'm young, reasonably tall, skinny and with a 36-23-36 figure. My eyes are large and almond shaped and my jaw could cut sheaths of wheat. I also have a large nose, a broad face, and a resting demeanor of a critical soviet grandma. I have been compared to young Helena Bonham Carter and most recently , some lady called Emma McKay. I've also been told I give coke addict vibes and look comparable to Michael Jackson. I dress well for the most part, though my hair leaves something to be desired, due to my inability to adorn. I got drunk with this man, discussed things I never thought I would discuss with him, and yet he made no move or indeed, any suggestion of a move. Anytime I go out with my friends, if a man approaches, he soon runs away, despite me being cordial. I know girls who are normal, average looking, with seemingly no end to the potential suitors. And then I observe that I am lucky to receive any attention. This could be due in part to not partaking in any form of social media, bar a half hearted attempt to follow people on Instagram. I know that my resting face can be cold looking, but surely not to this extent. If the drunken conversation and night out was the sun, it was ultimately eclipsed by the moon of self-consciousness. I'm regarded as being perhaps a little off-beat by most, due to my inability to commit to small talk in a sincere way. I study STEM, which should be some indication of logical intelligence if my heart were not wed to art and literature. If you grab me in conversation, I will regale you with jokes and references; I am considered to be at the very least funny. But seeing this man with his chiseled jaw and hooded eyes, with his easy manner and openness, I genuinely felt quite inadequate in that moment. This is ultimately the L of the week, to finally be perceived. Instead of peering into my reflection in a moment of Narcissistic pride, I instead find myself wanting to look away again and again and again. Please don't dm with weird stuff, or at the very least make it funny/highbrow.