Struggling with poor mental health

I’m a 28 year old Somali guy in the UK and I am really struggling at the moment. I have silently been battling depression and anxiety for over a decade, and every year I seem to be getting worse. I believe I have now reached breaking point. I no longer want to be in this dunya. I can’t remember a single time in my life I was ever happy. I have plenty of childhood trauma, bullied relentlessly at school and grew up in an invalidating and dismissive household.

I lost most of my 20s and I am bitter because I will never get them back. I don’t even have a career and feel so behind . I have just been Surviving instead of living my life. I haven’t had any friends since I was about 18. I struggle to date and always end up pushing the other person away. lately my struggles have intensified. I struggle to pray, I feel emotionally numb, hopeless and feeling like I know longer want to be here. I won’t ever act on those feelings, but it is scary to experience. My thoughts can sometimes become so distressing I get this urge to harm myself.

I already have a sibling with severe mental health issues, So I can’t confide in my parents or siblings I feel like an extra burden,but I do know I I need help.