Anxiety, possible depression and a sense of loss

Let me start at the beginning. I have had times of sadness throughout my life. Sometimes I could explain why I was sad and sometimes I am sad for no reason. And I don't just mean a feeling of being down but "think the wrong thing and I break down crying" kind of sad.

I have had friends to talk to and I've had girlfriends but no-one could really make this sadness stay away for long. Until about a year and a half ago.

I started chatting with this girl online and she really made me feel good. Like, "life is good"-good. We would chat almost every day or at least every week. Living in different timezones I would often wake up to messages or voice recordings she had sent while I slept and I would smile like an idiot every time. I sometimes would even wake up in the middle of the night when I got a message from her and we would be chatting about different things even if I had to get up for work. I felt really good. She would be there for me when I was sad and she would turn to me when she had problems.

But then it happened.

Someone, somehow, managed to get a hold of a picture I had sent her and tried to pretend that they were me while harassing her. I managed to convince her , somewhat, and I promised that I had nothing to do with it (which I didn't). But the damage was done. Now she never message me anymore. She doesn't respond to anything I send her. Doesn't even open my messages anymore.

I think this broke me.

I have not gone a whole week so far this week without breaking down in tears. I started going to therapy to try to deal with it. Tonight I can't sleep because my heart is racing because she is going through things that I can't help with because she doesn't turn to me anymore. I feel like I've lost my best friend from the last year and a half.

I'm sorry that I'm rambling. I'm just trying to sort myself out, really. I just feel so hopeless and lonely. My heart Is racing making me unable to sleep. She would often tell me she was scared that I would leave and stop responding to her but in the end she is the one who did it to me. I don't blame her because of what happened but it still hurts...