I envy my best friend

I'm on my last year of university. I have this friend that I've been closed with since first year. During the first 2 years of our uni life, everything was great for me. I've formed good friendships and would go out all the time. This friend of mine, on the other hand, went through some hard times with her personal life and inher own insecurity. I was always there for her. I always tried to include her in everything. Most of her friends started off with them being my friends first, then I introduce her to them later.

Out personality is very different. I'm more on the chill and reserved side, while she's more bubbly and energetic. All of my friends like her. We're from the same country but she only moved to the country we're in for university, while I've been here much longer. She had a lot of culture shock and wasn't very confident in herself. I taughtvher a lot of things regarding culture. To be honest, I'm mostly friends with guys thoughout my uni year but she's more girly girl, she had expressed that she found it hard to fit in at many points. I tried to have a conversation with her about putting herself out there many times.

I would tell her that she's a very likable person, even more than me, she has many potential to make new friends rather than being with people that she doesn't really enjoy being around with like my guy friends, but she took that as I'm telling her she shouldn't be hanging out with us. We had a lot of arguments regarding this topic of her not being happy with the friends she had.

Anyways, first and second year of uni was a hard time for her. Then third year comes, and most of my close friends apart from her that I would hangout with a lot moved away from our city. I already knew I was going to have a hard time trying to make new friends. I know a lot of people here but it's not like we would go out together a lot. At this point of uni, everyone has their established friend group already. When I came back to uni from home, I felt extremely lonely. Apart from this friend, I didn't even know who to hit up for a hangout. Most of my friendships came from them reaching out first, so I really struggle with trying to make friends. I'm not great socially either.

While I'm struggling over here, my friend started to see my advice for what I meant and put herself out there. She started a new job with people her age. Became good friends with her colleagues and got introdued to new people. As I became more available, she became busier. She would hangout with her new friends but never invited me. It kinda hurt to be honest. Everyone I know, she knows. But I barely know her friends. We also moved in together in a house of multiple people who were initially my friends, but they're now closer to her than me since I don't talk much.

Before, I would be that friend who would stop every 5 minutes to say hi to people they know on the streets. Now she's saying hi to people that I've nerver even seen. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for her, I really do. But I can't help but be jealous. We used to have a problem back in first year where she confessed that she purposely don't want to introduce me to her friends as she's afraid they will like me more. I don't know if she's doing that to me right now but I don't think that's the case anymore.

She has always been more loved than me. I think she realised that now. People want to talk to me for how I look, not to be a narcissist, Imve heard that from multiple people myself. But they barely really want to know me or be actual friends. She's better at small talks and socialising than me. She's just better at these things than me overall. Always has been. Always will be. I have a new friend that I started to hangout with a lot. But due to circumstances, he had to move away too. I just felt so helpless and lonely.

I've changed my lifestyle a bit before all these happened. Focussing more on myself and go out less. Apparenty, according to this friend, our acquaintances think I'm just locked in when they keep seeing her out like what we did in first and second year but barely seen me out. Part of it is true, I've been trying to drink less and care about my health and welbeing more. But another part of it is that she has friends to go out with, that's why she's always out, while I don't. The ones who would always invite me out are not in this city anymore. And I can't even think of one person that I could hit up that's not her.

Before, al she had was me. And now, all I have is her. The table completely turned for our social life. Most days, I'm very happy. Again, I've changed my lifestyle so I don't really have FOMO. I also have good friends around me, although I'm not as close to them as the ones who moved away but it's not like I have no one. Me and this friend still hangout a lot doing our things. However, nights like this will occur once in a while. Nights where I feel really lonely and hated. Nights when I wish I'm more of a social and, i guess, likable person like my friend. I envy her.