Overstepped a boundary I forgot to set

I feel like shit right now. Went to an event with my wife/domme. Up until this point I had been sober for over 6 years. I was blissfully happy whilst crouching down as her footstool when she pulled my leash to get my attention. She had been given an alcohol drink that she didn't want and ordered me to drink it because it would otherwise go to waste. I was balls deep in submission mentally so I necked it and regretted it instantly. 6 years ruined. Ideally I will just forget about it, move on and go back to being sober but I haven't been able to think about anything else for the 48 hours since. That warm feeling in my stomach and then the light brain buzz as the alcohol kicked in. So the reality is I will probably end up getting drunk in the next few days and I really haven't got the strength to give up again. I already suffer from anxiety and relive negative experiences from years ago so I expect this will be another one to add to my list and think about when I ultimately end up in the gutter drawing my last breath. I'm so annoyed with myself. It never occurred to me that drinking alcohol would be a situation that would arise whilst subbing to my wife and consequently I never thought of it as a limit that I would need to consider during a bdsm scenario with her so it completely blindsided me. I've just had a painful conversation with her about me wanting to step away from anything to do with bdsm because it scared the shit out of me that I can make such bad and harmful decisions if I'm too deep in submission. I've got to try to protect myself but deep down I know I've already done the damage to myself and it's too late.