Mom/Parent Guilt

How do other parents deal with the guilt? I haven’t been sleeping well (very, very restless at night) and I was really irritable today. I’m upset at myself because my kid had a big day planned. I’m worried I ruined part of the experience for them. I’ve been lying in bed and feeling depressed since we got home which makes me also feel guilty. I sometimes feel like a rubber band ready to snap and I can’t stand when they see that side of me.

I also worry that the yo-yo in my behavior/personality is confusing for them. Some days I am so playful and silly and other days it’s hard to even function as an adult, let alone be a parent that’s expected to take care of another person. I tend to spiral and wonder if my family would be better off if I left—which I know is not a healthy thought. I love them so much but it’s just hard.