Not Pregnant Yet But Everyone Else Is...I Have No Friends!

I know coming to the internet for stuff like this is never helpful. This feels like the best community given the context, but I'm not so sure.

I guess it's simple it was way to put it is...

Everyone I know is pregnant and I don't know how to cope, not because I want to be pregnant, but because I am losing all my friends.

3 out of my 5 friends are actively pregnant...one of the not pregnant ones lives 3 hours away and we only see each other quarterly. The other, desperately seeks both marriage and children and as of late has spoken pretty earnestly about Desiring to become a foster mother and has a goal to be an active foster Mother by the end of the year... so for all intents and purposes I've got one good friend left that's not going to be on a motherhood journey by December.

I'm part of a social group that meets once a week. It's all couples, 7 in total. There are 2 of us not pregnant and without kids...the rest are either actively pregnant or have all had kids within the past 18 months. Our once robust social group is now down to at most two couples and a fringe friend but it's very rare that anyone with children shows up...

Last week during a family gathering...despite avoiding the most irritating question of all time with my husband "when are you going to have kids?" We still found oursevles in the midst of baby fever as my sister-in-law announces that they are pregnant with their second child.

My husband had a 20-man Bachelor party A little over two years ago. 17 of the men on the trip are now fathers....

I quite literally feel like we are in an island of Frustration, And we're both trying to process it and handle it in different ways.

A few things I want to make very clear.

We do desire children, but not right now.

We are of a child rearing age (early 30s)

Many of our friends are on their second or even third kid, so we are just the anomalies in the group.

I think most importantly, what's frustrating me in this moment is the massive sense of grief and isolation I feel For the many, many Relationships and friendships that I and my husband have.

I truly feel like I'm on an island of my own.

Happy hours,Girls nights out, Spa dates, Random Post-Work dinner catch-ups have all ceased to exist, Even planned events frequently are canceled because of sickness, "kiddos" or something else.

It is almost impossible to try to be there for everyone in the same way post children. Notwithstanding the sheer number of people that we know who are now expecting or have recently become parents.. we have always considered ourselves the social glue and organizers for many of our various friend circles and we just don't have the momentum to try to continue those connections especially when people change so much after Parenthood for so many different reasons.

There are people who I thought would be friends for life who have completely fallen off of the face of the Earth.

I spend my weekends attending baby showers... I lurk awkwardly in group chats as people complain about the Perils of Parenthood while I sit there with not much to offer... or worse I'm dismissed when I complain about being tired because apparently you don't know what tired means until you become a parent...

and I know most people are well meaning but it does become irritating to constantly hear the complaints about parenthood as if they did not choose to do that.

I just don't know how to move forward.

I don't want to make all new friend groups, because again, My motherhood journey is not too far out, but far enough out that I would feel really bad making an extended effort to develop new friend groups, only to Potentially be that one friend who disappears.

So, yeah, I don't know.

Any insight you all have would be really helpful.

One last note I am not being hyperbolic when I say EVERYONE is pregnant. In the past 18 months I personally have attended 12 baby showers and those are just the ones that I was able to attend... I'm not saying that for any other reason then just to really emphasize the dizzying Pace at which I've watched my most cherished groups and connections disintegrate, disappear, and at best be reduced to quarterly or semi-annual meetups...

I value community and connection and as of late I don't feel like I have any of that despite my best efforts to continue to have strong bonds and strong connections.