ang hipokrita ko

sorry just need to vent these out :

I’d love to have my own family someday. I’d love to be a wife, I’d love to be a mother, pero mas gusto ko ata magkaroon ng husband and a father to my future kids.

Pero ngayon ayoko mag jowa kasi matic feel ko cheater. yoko mag entertain kasi feel ko situationship lang. I want to date to marry, pero yoko kilalanin. yoko kasi di ko type itsura, yoko kasi mas mataas pa sweldo ko, yoko kasi masyadong mayaman, yoko kasi too good to be true, yoko kasi reto, yoko mag dating app kasi may constant thought ako na kaya niya mag entertain ng multiple people at the same time, yoko ng pinoy kasi yung mentality, yoko ng foreigner kasi yung humor, yoko ng ganito, yoko ng ganyan

wag na mag jowa.

kakatakot kasi lahat ng nakikita ko laging dehado babae. kakatakot na ang layo na ng narating ko compared to the women around me, those I used to look up to.. tapos in the end yun run yung kababagsakan ko?

I grew up well cared for, loved, ganda naman ng childhood ko. pero looking back, and in the perspective of my mom, ayoko ng ganun.

What I want is too idealistic. Pero I don’t want to settle for less. what scares me is maging 100% hipokrita ako, and end up settling for the lahat ng “yoko”