Least loved

S*MMY B*BY

“Oh wow you’re beautiful” says the third man today. I never know how to react to compliments. I am the girl least loved by her parents, friends, family. I am the “throwaway child”. They sold my innocence for cash and power. Simple as that.

Our whole relationship, since 2018… I don’t think you’ve ever told me I looked beautiful. I don’t even think you’ve ever told me that I looked pretty.

BUT- other men do. They compliment my feet. My legs. My backside. My flat stomach; and my chest which somehow seems to inflate every year… (I thought I was supposed to stop growing in puberty. )

My heart has been broken for you- for almost a decade now. You chose a woman who didn’t want you- over me- everytime. You don’t think you deserved to be left for that??? “YOU LEFT ME YOU ABANDONED ME.” I can hear you scream it in to the night.

Okay- and you had a covert sexual relationship with your best friends ex??? And I’m the bad person?? Okay. Sure.

I wonder if she knows that what you did to her that night… you do that to me at least once a week. It’s wild that you push me to my side to get it in there. Then, you make sure I stay asleep until the last second. Also. Please stop saying, “it’s okay it’s okay” over and over when you’re doing it. It’s insulting. I’m not crying. I know *she* did though.

I’m used to that crap. I deal with that every night. But, of course… she gets all the love and support. And, I get a swift blow to the teeth. It’s funny how that works.

Why would I stay with someone who isn’t in love with me? Why would I stay with someone who has to stick in in when I’m asleep? Someone who has never called me beautiful?

The scary part? I am beautiful. Conventionally. And you’ve never said it. Not even once. But, you have always told the girl who *never wanted you*