3 weeks in, what should be my goal?

obligatory hello first post

I've been lurking these past few weeks since diagnosis (255 mg/dL, a1c of 9.9) and immediately implemented the obvious first steps of eating healthier, starting workout program, and cutting soda and candies... gathering data in terms of how meals affect me and such.

Already, starting a week and a half in... I don't know if my system just got cleared and reset or what, but my fasting heads consistently been in low 90s and after eating a keto adjacent meal goes up to maybe 105. For science, I had some meals I anticipated were "bad" for me (e.g. chicken pot pie) carbs-wise to confirm how it affects my blood sugar so I have a comparison and it took me to 135 or 140 1hr45 after the meal (some info says check 2hr others 1hr30, so i split the difference).

Now, I had my follow up appointment where the doc tried to explain what the diagnosis meant... but felt like it was prepared notes rather than a conversation. As I asked a question she either didn't understand the nuance or chose to answer something else that she had a script ready for. I understand everyone's specific case is different, for the general population...

1. What is the goal to optimize? At all times, lowest average blood sugar? Lowest average fasting? Time within range(<180)? Time within tight range(<140)?

2. What qualifies as a spike in the first place? How to differentiate between a spike that is fine and one that is not?

I guess my question boils down to, for Italian night as an example... do I go for spaghetti like normal if it might take me from 94 to 145, a quarter portion plus a salad which might take me to 120, or konjac "noodle" spaghetti which might take me to 105? All three of those numbers sound good to me on paper from what I've been reading and so I can't yet see the benefit of going to the far "extremes".