Title: How did you truly get over your first love? I feel like I’ve accepted it logically, but not emotionally.

Hi everyone. I’m 23M and recently went through a breakup with my first real love. We were together for about 2 years and had known each other for years before dating. It was deep and formative.

It was also long distance for most of it. The first year we saw each other every few months, and she stayed with me twice for about a month each time. When we were physically together, things were genuinely good. We could share a room, live in close quarters, barely argue, and it felt natural. In person, we worked.

Long distance, though, amplified everything. I reacted badly at times and got jealous. She reacted badly at times too. There were moments of dishonesty and insecurity on both sides. It wasn’t perfect, but I also wouldn’t describe it as a bad relationship. It felt like two imperfect people trying.

The final breakup happened during a really rough period for me. I had just finished two months of heavy projects and exams and wasn’t doing well mentally. On my first day of break, we were on call and her mom came in and started berating her about something. She forgot to mute, so I heard her crying. Immediately after that call, she ended things. I didn’t really get time to process or respond. Hearing her cry influenced me — she said she needed space to grow and work on her life, and I chose not to fight it because I wanted to support her.

When I told her I’d wait for her, she told me not to. A few days later when I said I wasn’t okay and asked if we could work on things, she said she had felt like she was on a “short leash,” which hurt because I never restricted her. If anything, I often let her change plans or do what she wanted even when I felt disappointed.

After the breakup, she didn’t want to disappear from each other’s lives. She wanted us to stay friends and keep talking regularly, not just play games. We tried that for a few weeks. But I started noticing distance. She had work, which I understood, but I’d see her active and talking to friends while my messages went unanswered. I pulled back too. We later had a call and tried to reset, but from then on there was distance on both sides. I eventually realized treating it like a normal friendship that soon was too much for me. I needed space to heal.

About four months later (in November), a girl approached me and showed interest. I hadn’t pursued anyone, and my ex had even told me after the breakup that if someone approached me, I shouldn’t stop myself. I gave it a shot, but I wasn’t fully healed and ended it quickly. I broke it off because she disrespected my ex, and I didn’t want to carry bitterness into something new.

When my ex found out, she called me crying and said she hadn’t fully moved on. During that same call, she said she’d be open to us playing games again and talking more like friends. The next day I reached out and shared something I thought she’d enjoy. We texted, she video called me and even showed me a game she was playing. But after that, she didn’t initiate much beyond occasionally sending a few reels.

Then around Christmas, I woke up planning to send her a Merry Christmas message and found I had been removed and blocked everywhere. That hit me harder than I expected. When I later asked why, she said she felt I had distanced myself, that I hadn’t made enough effort to keep her in my life as a friend, and that some past situations made her question my honesty. She also felt unsupported during a very difficult period in her life and believed I had emotionally checked out. From my side, I didn’t feel like I had intentionally ignored her — I felt like I was matching the distance I was experiencing — but clearly we experienced it differently. For context, I moved countries at 18 without knowing the language. I’ve been studying while living on my own. Over the last 3 years I started learning network engineering to eventually take over my dad’s business. I work under contract, handle clients, and currently lead around half the company while studying. I manage daily life myself, and for the past year I’ve also dealt with very difficult flatmates, which made home life stressful. I’ve been trying to stay consistent in the gym, build my career, and recently started training toward alpine climbing goals.

Now she’s seeing someone new, and that stirred up feelings I thought I had processed. It’s not that I necessarily want the relationship back — I don’t think the dynamic as it was would’ve been sustainable — but I find myself comparing and wondering if long distance was the main thing that broke us.

Some days I feel strong and focused. Other days I feel nostalgic and hollow, like I’m grieving the early version of us more than the actual ending.

For those who’ve been through their first love ending — how did you truly let go emotionally, not just logically? How long did it take before you stopped comparing yourself to the next person?

I don’t want to villainize her. I also don’t want to erase my own experience. I just want to grow from this without becoming bitter.