I feel like I may be non-binary but it feels unsetteling.

I am 28 years AMAB. I actually detransitioned roughly four years ago (used be trans mtf) mainly out of social pressure and anxiety around how people perceived me and family conflict. However, looking back, I realized I really went back and forth a lot with my gender but mainly leaned more toward being more feminine/female.

Of course afterwards I kept having those feelings. Some day I feel a tiny bit okay with being male, other days strongly wish I could be female, and many days I just feel like neither.

I feel like when I was out as a trans woman, things felt more certain. I could just say I am a woman and things were just that cut and dry and I could just go about my life how most women would, but with realizing these more recent feelings, I just feel lost. I don't even really know how to navigate living as a non-binary person.

Like I am 28 years old now, but what does this even look like in 10, 20, 30 years? Part of me wants to go back on HRT maybe on a smaller dose but I have no clue how to navigate that a NB person. How would I even date people if even I don't have some sort of solid ground when it comes to my gender? I also don't want to dissapoint my family again and it's hard to understate how my constant anxiety when I was transitioning put strain on everyone.

Part of me wonders if just going back to being trans feminine again would be easier since it feels like it would be so much more clear cut, but I guess I wouldn't have the option of hiding my gender from my family and workplace as much.

I just have no idea what to do and feel incredibly stressed and lost.