Over 50% through the book and I fear it may destroy me when I finish it

Spoiler tag, but only for the first half of the book please lol.

It’s funny because I honestly still have nearly no understanding of how the resonance system works (yes I’ve read the pinned guide, but it did little to help me) and I assume I should fully understand it by now, but I’ve accepted that I probably never will and am just here for the character and plot development at this point. I swear sometimes it feels like I need some sort of chemistry degree to understand it, and it even has me questioning my basic reading comprehension sometimes. I didn’t want to risk searching this sub for other guides or explanations bc I know how that goes with unmarked spoilers.

Despite all that, I cannot put this book down and it’s all I’ve been thinking and dreaming about for the last several days. It already made me cry at some point in the first quarter, so I’m just bracing myself for what’s to come. I don’t even want it to end, but yet I’m desperate to get to whatever point in Kaine and Helena’s relationship before her memory loss.

As I’m reading the interactions between them in the flashbacks, I keep thinking back to part 1 of the book, trying to replay Kaine’s behavior specifically (the eyeball scene? My heart lol). I probably would’ve already been going back to re-read some of part 1, but I’m unfortunately reading it only on my kindle and going back & forth on it is too annoying for me. I probably will do that once I finish the book though.

Anyway, looking forward to having this book wreck me and finally being able to search this sub and also look up character art (some of the ones in the pinned guide look to be AI generated, which I’m not a fan of, but hopefully I’m wrong)