Need help to understand my asexuality (I can't find an explanation online)

I'm a 32 M, transgender, and need some help to understand my sexuality. I read a lot about it, but I'm still very confused.

I've been with women my entire life. Had few girlfriends and interests, and always thought I was allo. I'm into BDSM with or without the sexual part. I'm very "dom" so I was always taking the lead. But every vanilla sex seemed forced and unpleasent. Hold that thought.

The last girlfriend I had was almost a marrige: 11 years together, 8 living together. I felt passion, felt love, and was a very romantic person. Well, we broke up and it was a terrible experience. That was 3, 4 years ago and I'm glad I'm over it.

Since then, the most I can love are my friends. It is almost like being in love for me: I want them happy, I take care of them, I'd do anything for them. It feels liberating to feel like this, with 0 sexual part, 0 romance.

I don't feel I can be romantic anymore. I'm not interested in that and I can't feel it at all. Makes me question: 11 years is a lot, and feelings change. Since I was with her since I was 18, perhaps I didn't understand it very well. I feel very arosexual.

The thing is- I'm very into flirting and BDSM. About flirting, I feel like it's just for fun. I run away when it gets "too real". Does that mean I like it platonic?

Uhm BDSM, on the other hand, can get sexual. But every romantic thing, like holding hands, kissing (romantically) and stuff like that makes me "ughhh". It is kinda uncomfortable.

To make things more complicated, I've been flirting with a man and getting into sexual bdsm talks. I never really mind flirting with any gender, but it never got so far. In any way, I don't feel romantic feelings and, most probably, dont want that sex to get physical or turn into a romantic relationship.

TL;DR Question: what can I be called of I'm aro, but still engage in bdsm sexual activities with any gender, BUT only find women aesthetic appleasing, not man?

Sorry for the long post, I researched a lot, but couldn't understand where do I fit