Fuck me I feel so shit. I'm never gonna have sex in my life. Not even paid because that's just way too sad. Would've considered marriage for it but again it's stupid to marry just so you can have sex. I don't even want kids so no point. And besides I'm so ugly and broke, no sane girl would even entertain me for arrange marriage.

I'm an incel but unlike other incels I don't hate women. Far from it. I just hate my stupid luck to be dealt with such shit genetics. My mom is pretty. Father also used to look pretty decent in his teens. Somehow I turned ugly. Mom says it's because I'm so negative but it's bullshit as usual. 

I just wish I didn't have such a high libido. I literally fap everyday. Like no kidding every single day. I maybe go 2 days in a row not fapping sometimes because I get too tired when I come home from work. I'm so shameless and pathetic I even fapped twice at work. 

I can be alone for the rest of my life. Like obviously I get the urge like any human to have someone special but it's not a big deal if I won't have anyone. I've come to terms with it. What I can't come to terms with is being a hopeless virgin. It's literally so so easy to get laid nowadays. Sexual liberation has allowed the rise of hookup culture. People who hate it are the ones who can't get any play themselves. I don't hate the culture. I hate the shit genetics I've been dealt with. 

There's people out there who have everything in life. A fulfilling career, money, social life, sex life. While I have absolutely nothing. I'm a chud. Practically speaking there's literally no pros of me being alive but as fate would have it I'm too much of a pussy asw to do something drastic. 

Sorry for the rant. Ik my problems are nothing and very tame in front of actual real world issues. Literal children and babies dying everyday due to wars. In comparison to them I have a 1000x better life which I should be grateful for but I just can't be unfortunately. I still think my life sucks which makes me a shit human being too. 

Being a horny recluse has ruined my life