Nmom and family disowned us…for a second time…

My sisters and I (36F, 34F and 23F) exposed our Nmom to the family about the abuse over the years. Everyone’s response was to say “I think you are being overly critical” and “she does a lot for you” and no one asked us what was going on. No one thought something must be wrong for them to say these things. My stepdad even agreed that she has her issues but he won’t even look at us anymore. The whole family flipped on us, which is the 2nd time this happened. My parents got a really bad divorce 20 years ago and the family would call us saying “you hate your mother and love your dad” or “you’re a terrible person for how you treat your mom” and we were teens and younger. Mind you she was the one being horrible and would lie and manipulate everyone. I think she honestly had a mental break. The divorce was terrible and the whole family cut us out. Over time as things settled we had to work our way back in and act like nothing happened.

We had all been great to this family. We are the only 3 of 13 grandkids to show up for family events and we visited all the time. When my stepdads own daughter consistently ditched out of doing anything with the family for 10 years WE were always there for him and viewed him as a dad. Yet we get in one fight with our Nmom and expose her and he has disowned us for good. He won’t talk to us or even look at us the few times we saw him. My other post explains it a bit but we didn’t go to a Christmas party and that’s all it took for the family to disown us a second time.

We talked with our Nmom and all she did was deny and deflect and we pointed out how the family treats us differently because she treats us badly and people just think it’s normal. She allowed her sister to tear us apart after we outed her and my aunt would NEVER have allowed my mom to do that to her kids, but us, it’s okay. They treat us like we are the most ungrateful kids and we if anything have done things for ourselves more than any other kids in the family and rarely ask for anything. Yet my cousins are bankrupting my aunt, and treating her so terribly her whole life but it’s okay? They are the most disrespectful people I’ve ever met actually but nah it’s okay. I think they hold resentment still about the divorce but won’t say it.

After this blowup, my Nmom and stepdad their response was to go silent and cut off my sister (youngest one) financially. We talked to my mom about how hard she is on my youngest and how she works 2 jobs and is in school and doing good things and my mom’s response was “ya but is she going full time?” and missed the point completely.

Next few days, they take their name off her car insurance, and drop her off their phone plan. They stopped plowing snow at my house even though I am in foot surgery recovery and can’t shovel myself. It’s like let’s punish them for being so “ungrateful.”

My Nmom has called us once or twice since then (late December), asked to bring my one sister lunch and hugged her saying “I love you you know that” and invited us over (but when my stepdad was out of town). She is “trying” but our whole family still doesn’t talk to us so she never told them she was at fault.

She told my sister the whole family is planning a cruise and didn’t extend an offer (even though we talked about this before the fight and they know we wanted to do this). We used to go to breakfast at my grandparents but don’t anymore because my aunt never apologized for the truly horrible things she said to us. Everyone just said “screw them” AGAIN they have carried on like nothing happened.

Is this just the reality now? My Nmom is the only one in the family w