Help me

Today i get into a mental hospital because of an suicide attempt

i didnt told my parents about it because i dont want them to feel bad

My parents and my cat are the only ones keeping me alive

i mean i also have friends but i dont wanna bother them with it like oooh i im mentally ill and i wanna die

i just dont see any purpose in living and my craving for freedom of this big i cant handle it

i wanna just vanish and disappear just nothing to worry about or think

i dont wanna hear everything is gonna be okay or just dont give up

i just wanna feel something than hatred and sadness

the only thing that helps me is cutting or weed

but both of them has their prices

My only wish is to have an child but with my mental health i cant raise one without harming an innocent soul

i also dont have an partner to get through this with or anyone so close i can tell everything to

i mean i can always talk to my mom but a daughter saying to their mom (a mother who loves her child deeply) they want to die and wishes she was never born and died instead of her brother is nothing i want to say to her

And with my dad i dont wanna talk about it with him.

i dont want them to loose a child but i cant anymore

my head is just too much for me

i dont know how to handle myself

i just feel numb but deeply hurt

Please help me

i feel like a bad daughter