I don't think its ever going to stop

It's been 14 months and so many meds. I'm treatment resistant. I don't understand. its getting worse again. I'm having voices and visual hallucinations, paranoia(I'm told) and my cognitive functions are worsening again. Last week I had a day where I couldn't tell what was real or not.(never happened)

I'm on loxapine because I've gone through all atypicals(had a lot of reactions). I'm scared I'm dying and they don't know but I've had a ct, blood work and a thorough eye exam.

How do you live like this?