I’m lost in life and don’t know what to do.

I don’t really know where to start, but I feel completely lost and overwhelmed with my life right now. I don’t really know where to start, but I feel completely lost and overwhelmed with my life right now. I am a 19-year-old girl from Ohio. I started college in Fall 2025, but by the spring semester my mental health had gotten so bad that I ended up dropping out. I became extremely depressed and unmotivated. I was sleeping in my dorm almost all day, barely eating, crying every day, and feeling very homesick. I wasn’t functioning anymore. I had already been struggling mentally, but college made everything worse. I was also dealing with financial issues, and now I owe thousands of dollars. The stress of being responsible for that debt at my age took a huge toll on me. On top of that, I had a major situation with my roommate, which made things even harder. When I told my mom I wanted to drop out because of my mental health, she went behind my back with my cousin and tried to re-enroll me. It didn’t work because I was already dealing with financial issues with the school myself. The hardest part is that I’m one of those kids who was pushed into college. I did want to go eventually, but I wanted to take a gap year first to prepare mentally and figure things out. That wasn’t supported, so I went anyway, and it ended up happening exactly the way I was afraid it would. My parents are separated, and they’re always on opposite sides of everything. My dad didn’t want me to go to college right away, but my mom did. She told me that if I didn’t go, I couldn’t stay at home. I won’t go into detail, but living with my dad isn’t an option. Now that I’m back home after dropping out, things feel tense. My mom is constantly disappointed or upset with me, and she’s threatening to kick me out if I don’t find a job within the next two weeks. I’ve been applying, but it’s been hard to find something. I feel like everyone is breathing down my back all the time. I feel misunderstood and judged instead of supported. Honestly, I don’t feel like I’ve been allowed to make major decisions about my own life. Whenever I try to choose what I think is best for me, there are consequences or threats attached to it. It feels like the adults in my life have controlled the direction of my life, and the outcome of those decisions has taken a serious toll on my mental health. Between the debt, the pressure at home, the job search, and the uncertainty about my future, I feel completely stuck and overwhelmed. My mental state has gotten really bad. I feel numb most of the time, like I’ve stopped caring about anything. I feel hopeless about my future, and there are times when I genuinely don’t see a way out. I feel like I failed, like I disappointed everyone, and like my life is already off track at 19. I don’t know what direction to go from here. Before college I was genuinely happy and proud of myself. Now I spend most days thinking about how I let the adults around me control my life and how everything ended up this way. I wish I had spoken up for myself more, but I’ve always been afraid to. Now I feel like I’m in the worst place I’ve ever been mentally. When I was younger, I wanted to live forever and was afraid of death. It’s not like that anymore. Now, when I think about death, it feels peaceful. I’m not looking for judgment. I just need advice from anyone who has been through something similar and found a way to rebuild their life.