I feel deeply depressed since starting college and don’t know how to move forward

Hello. I’m not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I really need advice from people who might understand.

I’m 19 and graduated high school last year (class of 25). I started university right away and had to move to a new city. Ever since I moved, I feel like my will to live has been slowly fading.

I avoided thinking about life after graduation for years. When it finally came, I don’t think I ever processed it. The summer after graduating was really hard — all I could think about was how little time I had left before everything changed. I enrolled in a university I wasn't exactly passionate to study in (I'm in film school), but I thought that if I didn't leave my hometown, I'd feel stuck and even more purposeless. The night before I left for university was one of the worst nights I’ve ever had. I was staring at my packed luggage and crying because I didn’t want to go anywhere or study anything. I just wanted time to stop.

Since starting uni in September, everything feels like a haze. I genuinely don’t remember large parts of my days. My schedule is very busy and stressful, and I haven’t been able to build meaningful relationships because I feel too depressed and withdrawn to talk to people. I feel apathetic toward things I used to enjoy. I don’t think I’ve had a genuinely happy day since I started.

I try to go home as often as I can. At first it helped, but now it almost makes things worse. I don’t feel at home there anymore either. Sometimes I lie in my old room at night and cry because it looks exactly the same as it did when I was 16, but it feels empty and unfamiliar. It’s like my life moved on without me.

I keep telling myself that when my boyfriend graduates and we live in the same city, things will get better. But I’m scared that even then, I’ll still feel this way. What scares me most is that everything since last summer feels unreal. Like I’m not fully present in my own life. I feel like it’s just passing by and I can’t catch up. I’m constantly longing to go back to being 16–17, even though I didn’t even love high school that much. I just felt more “at home” in my life.

I guess my questions are:

Has anyone else experienced something like this after starting college?

Is this normal adjustment grief, or does this sound like depression?

How do you move forward when you feel stuck in the past?

What practical steps actually helped you feel present again?

I’m open to honest advice. I don’t want to feel like this forever, but right now I don’t know how to get better or who to turn to.