Me (18F) and my boyfriend (20M) got into a physical fight, where do i go from here?

back story: Me (18F) and my boyfriend (20M) have been dating for a year, during our relationship i have been cheated on me multiple times (sleeping with other girls commonly), he has admitted to manipulating me, mistreating me and never respects my boundaries without a fight. in our relationship i had been loyal, given him a thousand chances and learned to stay quiet when he did things as speaking up meant huge fights and him threatening to leave me so being quiet was easier.

The fight:

Last night we had a party at his university flat for a friends birthday which was later followed by a night out which i didn't go to. he went out and cheated on me yet again whilst i was waiting for him at home. when he returned home we were both very very drunk and got into a very heated argument about him cheating on me while at the club. this argument kept escalating and i admit i hit him. i know that no matter the circumstances hitting is never ever okay but i hit a breaking point after being manipulated, cheated on and constantly emotionally abused and i had never been able to standup for myself, instead id be belittled and blamed until he got away with it, this by no means makes me right for hitting him but drunk rage took over, in response to this he swung at me and we both ended up with a black eye. after this i ran out of the room to avoid anything else happening and had a panic attack, all of the fighting and screaming made one of his flat mates call campus security who came and split us up, calmed me down and found me another place to sleep. when i woke up he had blocked me on everything, saying he hated me and never wanted to see my face again. i'm very aware this is it done for good and that was definitely necessary as were were insanely toxic. but now i keep wondering if im an awful person for what i did, can i please had advice on this as it's a situation i've never experienced anything like this before.

Summary: heated drunken argument about cheating turned physical