Can't talk to my gf because she's right

My gf is a wonderful person. I miss her dearly. I moved across the country to have a kid with another partner. I knew it would strain our relationship but I have wanted to be a mom my entire life. The plan was I would move to have our kid and become a tighter knit part of the other half of my polycule. When I moved there was a bunch of drama and I have not been getting along with my metamour since and I have been feeling very isolated since I don't have the support of the people I thought I would and my time is consumed by taking care of my child so it is hard to go out and meet people.

I have tried to keep in touch with my gf but it is so hard to talk to her. Every time I speak with her her words are dripping with judgement about my choices. If it weren't for the baby I would probably consider coming home tbh. She keeps telling me that I sound unhappy and she hates to see me that way.

And she's right.

I am unhappy. I feel alone and isolated even when it is just me and my partner in the room. After I fought with my metamour my partner kept bringing meta around every week. I got no space from them. I couldn't feel like I was building a home because there was always someone there who said awful things about me and then gaslit me about it not happening. I miss my girlfriend. I miss having a home filled with partners who love me. Now I'm sharing it with someone who hurt me and everyone is trying to pretend it didn't happen. My partner and metas here tell me to get over it. Everyone else tells me it's fucked up.

I know my gf is right. I miss her terribly. But I can't abandon my child so her telling me over and over that I'm fucking up is making me want to talk with her less and less. Which just leads to more isolation.

I never thought I would regret having a kid.