I, (20F) and my boyfriend (21M) have been having some issues lately. If you’ve felt conflicted about a partner’s adult movies use, what helped you understand your feelings?

Hi, I’m not sure how I feel about this and I’ve been conflicted for a while so I wanted to ask for your advices. I, (20F), have never watched adult movies. When I was younger, I read some more spicy stories with romance, but it was pretty much that. Since I’m in a relationship, I feel no interest towards this kind of stuff at all. I am with my boyfriend (21M), since 2 years. At the start of the relationship, we had a talk and we both agreed that watching adult movies was not okay while being in a committed relationship. While I understand that others have different feelings about this and different agreements, which I totally respect and understand, I personally feel like my partner watching adult movies shows me that my body is not good enough for him and it makes me feel really insecure. A month back, I learned that my boyfriend lied. He told me he could not tell me the truth at the start because we were building something. He was still watching it in the relationship, even if it was not often. It made me feel really insecure, and since, I think about it every once in a while. I’m trying to accept it, but it’s very hard for me since we are very active and do it many times every time we see each other. I think I do not understand why he needs to look elsewhere if we do it every time we see each other, which means most of the time many times in one week. When we see each other we have an almost identical drive. We talked last week and he clarified that he watches it rarely and more for the idea of it, of some specific stuff, than to look at the women. Even so, I feel like this is weird knowing all the things we do and even if it’s for the idea, he still does it while thinking and fantasising about another women. Maybe I am wrong, but it’s how I feel. I expressed my concerns to him and he simply re explained what I just said, not showing any envy to change anything. He also explained that it’s his solution to not ask me for pictures, but at the same time, can’t you do it with imagination? According to him, that’s what he does most of the time anyways. If we were apart for long periods of time, I would understand. But, this is not the case. I’m having difficulties understanding and wrapping my head around the fact that he still wants to watch other women naked, even if rarely, when we see each other so often and are really active. Also, the facts that at the start he told me he thought like me but lied and that he also commented sometimes on other women’s bodies until I told him many times it hurts, makes the movie thing hurt more. The fact that he told me after so many months also makes me feel weird, like if he had the right too but took the choice away from me (even if I feel no interest towards anything of this industry). I feel like I’m not good enough, giving him all my loyalty, even though I know that I’m pretty and that he has nothing to complain about since I take good care of myself and my appearance almost all the time. I don’t think he wants to hurt me intentionally.

I would love to have some of you all opinions and advices about it. Other people’s perspectives on this matter, similar to mine or contrary to mine, could help me to think about it more clearly. I can’t really ask my friends since most of them have the same beliefs as me and looking at posts online is not helping me and making me sadder. I’m always trying my best to be open minded, but this subject in particular is more difficult for me. I’m always trying to be the best partner possible and this time I don’t know what to do. Thank you!