This is how I got rid of a weird colleague

I am a 46-year-old man. For two years, I worked with a 50-year-old woman colleague who was four years older than me. We are both married and have two children of similar ages. We got along very well. We would chat, go to lunch together or with other colleagues. She would also bring me small homemade dishes, knowing that I enjoyed good food. Sometimes, she would offer me cakes and snacks—a bit like an older sister, I thought. At times, she acted childishly around me; for example, one day she ran toward me to talk, like a child, and then teased me during a conversation. Whenever a work meal was organized for a celebration, she would insist that I attend, as I don’t like office gatherings. Afterward, she would become colder and more distant. Occasionally, she would ask me to go out with her at lunch to run some errands. She often proposed outings with the kids, but I systematically refused, as I didn't want to see a colleague outside of work.

Then I had some problems with management, a form of harassment that I took very badly. For several months, I didn't speak to anyone at work, focusing on my tasks and trying to get through that difficult period. This colleague tried to find out why I was isolating myself, and I simply replied, 'I have a lot of work,' without further explanation. One day, I ran into her by chance in the subway, and she came over to me, suggesting we travel together. She was behaving in a way I would describe as flirting (she would get very close to me, pressed her chest against my arm, and leaned in very close to talk to me). One day, she even came into my office to look at something on my screen and stood very close to me. I didn't know how to react because she is older, and I was quite surprised.

I eventually found another job in a different office, and my departure was announced. This colleague came to see me, congratulated me, asked when my last day was, and told me she was inviting me to lunch that day. On the big day, she invited me and asked me if she had done something wrong, or why I wasn't speaking to her anymore. I explained that I had been harassed and had looked for another job, which I had found. She congratulated me warmly, praising the fact that I was 'at ease in my job,' 'funny,' etc. She was relieved that my distant attitude hadn't been about her. She then continued to flirt, such as furtively touching my hand with her index finger while she was eating.

I then told her that since I was leaving for another office, we could stay in touch and meet up for family outings with the kids and our spouses (that might have been a mistake on my part!). She was delighted and seemed very excited whenever I contacted her to suggest an outing with the kids, but I noticed that she wouldn't tell her husband when we were meeting up. That is why I subsequently suggested family outings with the spouses. She accepted and organized several outings during the summer, and we saw each other regularly, with our respective spouses. I thought our relationship was great. Except that sometimes, when I went out with my kids and didn't let her know, she would point it out: 'You didn't call me; that's not nice.' Yet, she did the same on her end, but frankly, I didn't care. She would offer little dishes and snacks, and prepare picnics. She always seemed very motivated. She also started criticizing her husband, saying he didn't put in any effort, that he just stayed home drinking coffee, and that he was old. When I asked her how they met, she told me that he was the one who hit on her and that she wasn't interested at first because he was unemployed at the time. In short, it wasn't love at first sight. She also asked me to download series for her and put them on a USB drive, something her husband could have done. When her husband was present, her behavior would change. She would become silent, distant, and wouldn't chat as usual. You could feel she was detached from him. He, on the contrary, seemed very much in love.

She had promised to show me a recipe. I had suggested she come over to my house with her family, that we all cook together, and then eat the meal as a group. But one day, after an outing with her son and mine, without the spouses for once, she said, 'Let’s meet at your place for the recipe.' Okay. Once we arrived, I thought we would chat over a coffee or tea, but she refused. She started cooking all by herself, did the dishes, without saying a word. Very strange. Then she said, 'The meal is ready; I have to go now.' She then left without even having a chat. It was, in my opinion, a really weird scene.

She had planned to go on a trip to Spain with her family; I told her I knew the country well and that I preferred Portugal. She then decided to go to Portugal with her family instead. I found that strange.

She started by organizing outings between the two families herself, booked hotels, and proposed hikes, barbecues, and meals at home, as well as outings with the kids, like to the pool, etc. She even wanted our two families to go abroad together, and to a mountain chalet. She also offered to organize a girls' outing between her and my mother at a spa. Then, after about a dozen intense outings and several dinner invitations at each other's homes, she stopped being in touch. All of a sudden. She used to call to propose outings on the spur of the moment, etc. One day, her husband was supposed to help me assemble a piece of furniture—something planned for weeks—and on the day, he bailed on me. She intervened to force him to keep his promise, and when I came to pick him up in the car, he told me during the drive, 'If she wants us to separate, no problem.' I didn't understand this comment.

Then, no more news... I wrote to her several times to see if everything was okay, and she replied briefly. I then sent my New Year's greetings to her husband, with no response. She had promised to give me contact information for renovation companies, which she never did.

I then confronted her by text several months later, having heard nothing... I asked her why we had disappeared and why she hadn't given me the information she promised regarding the renovations. She wrote to me that she was on vacation. I wrote to her: 'You two disappeared without giving us the promised contacts; you are opportunists.' She then called me twice, but I didn't answer. She then replied something like: 'A true friend would have tried to find out why someone is distancing themselves,' and then concluded: 'This is where our relationship ends.'