Struggling to Continue MTF HRT Because of Fear and Family — Need Advice

Hi everyone, I need some advice. I’m having a hard time continuing MTF HRT. When I start therapy, I feel happy and relieved at first, but after about two weeks I get overwhelmed by fear.

I think this fear comes from how I was raised. I’m afraid of two main things.

First, even though I’m 22, I still live with my dad. He is extremely negative toward transgender people, and I’m scared of disappointing him. He found out that I was taking estrogen. He didn’t take it away, but he yelled at me and told me to throw it out. Right now I feel very depressed because of this.

Second, I’m afraid of the irreversibility of breast growth. I keep thinking, “What if I change my mind?” or “What if I want to date a girl in the future?” These thoughts make me panic.

I’ve already started and stopped HRT twice after just two weeks because of these fears. I don’t know what to do with them. What would you suggest?

I think I need to move out, because most of my fear is about my dad’s reaction to my transition. But I can’t move until summer because I’m still studying.

I also live in a very homophobic country, which makes everything harder.

Any advice or similar experiences would really help. Thank you.