(Vent) I feel grief that I didn't get to explore this side of myself earlier because of my mom

I was raised primarily by my mom. Even though we lived in a blue state, she was very conservative. She is also an immigrant from a notoriously homophobic country and mainly interacts with her immigrant community.

When I was 13, I realized that I had a crush on a girl in one of my classes. I had crushes on boys before, and she was my first crush on a girl. I realized that I was bi, so, that evening, I told my mom.

She told me, "You're too young to know that about yourself. We can talk about it again when you're older."

I went back into the closet but still knew that I was bi. I had crushes on boys in school and on an actress in a show I liked. I didn't feel the need to come out to my mom anymore for a while because my real-life crushes were all boys from school.

When I was 16, I had my second real-life crush on a girl from a class. I told my mom and said basically, "I'm older, and I know I'm bi."

She was very irritated. She said, "Ok, what do you want from me? A big reaction? I'm not like one of those American moms who will say, 'I love you for whoever you are,' that's too much. I don't need to know about this. Why are you telling me?"

After that, I was in the closet from myself. I hated the fact that I wasn't straight and really wanted to be straight. I was jealous of straight girls at school and wanted to change really badly.

When I was 20, I told my mom that I'm questioning, and I don't know if I like guys or girls or both. My mom was angry and irritated again. She said, "well, who do you want to have sex with?". When I said I don't know, she was annoyed.

I came out to her again as bi this year, when I was 23. She finally accepted it and said, "you're an adult, so you know yourself and what you like. Kids just say things, so I ignored it. I'll always love you no matter what."

I think it's really nice that she said that. However, I still feel grief that it took her this long. I feel bad for feeling that way though. I think the problem I have was this whole time, even now, she kind of sexualizes lgbt people. She views it only in terms of sex-acts one likes/doesn't like rather than something more than that.