Why am I just such a selfish human?

At the very foundation, I just simply want to love multiple people I don’t even want to hurt the girls I encounter. I had a beautiful relationship with my girlfriend, I moved to Texas to be with her and I deadass became a cowboy. I loved my new life but my ex called me and reminded me of my old one, she called me and told me she’s going to kill herself. I ended up talking her out of it and we ended up saying we loved eachother, we remembered the memories we shared and I love the both of them, I formed love with the both of them and I wish I could have both to be very honest as a human. The only problem, they don’t agree with polyamory