Intense.

Intense, intense, intense. All my life my family, my friends, my exes, even some of my students, have called me intense but what the hell does that even mean?

They say it like it’s some negative trait you shouldn’t have like you’re difficult to deal with. I don’t like superficial or fake. How is that something negative? Why do I have to be less intense instead of people getting real? I just exist and they say "You’re so overwhelming. You’re not always right blah blah.” But I’m always, always open to other people’s opinions as long as they make a good point. I’m willing to listen without any judgment. When I try to communicate, it’s "It’s not that big of a deal.” Then I detach because my effort to communicate gets dismissed and somehow it becomes my fault. I’m the one who’s “too much" the one being “hard.”

And the funniest thing is that’s just a glimpse of who I am. Just because people get intimidated, I live most of my feelings inside. I think to myself. I talk to myself because people can’t handle it and I keep it all in only to be told "This is too much.”