Is There such a Thing as a Parent/Child, who are on some deep level, ill-Matched?

Just hear me out, because I know the premise is ridiculous, and yet I had to ask.

When I think of how I felt around my father, ...at peace....relaxed, ...even though objectively he was a shitty father because we barely saw him. Still, when he was there, I didnt feel conflicted as a human, unsafe, I could mostly breath.

But my Mother!? Since birth, I felt like "what kind of nightmare am I trapped in here?" It was just pain to be around her. Her ambivalence was palpable right from the beginning. I have no fond memories of her from when I was pre-verbal, and it's not the same with my father. I missed him constantly.

He was kind, safe, we connected. But my Mother,........ omfg.

And while I know it was her, and "Not me", there's a part of me that wonders, if I was born more like her, if we would have shared anything more than ambivalence?

As a result I'm so confused about my identity as a person, a woman..........because she wasnt anything I wanted to aspire to. When I looked at her, I never thought "she's so amazing , I want to be just like that". Not ever. It was more like "please God, dont' ever let me be like that". And I felt sorry for her.

I was so lonely growing up. There was no resonance or recognition, or alignment, connection............nothing. Maaaaybe, an instance where we both liked food. We never looked at each other with a knowing smile, over something we shared. NOTHING. And she was only too happy to remind me of that, how "different " we were from each other. Every time I said "I like X and Y", only to glad to say "well, I don't, I don't know how you can like that, Ugh (disgust face)".

And she was always reaching and saying things she thought was attentive, that felt contrived, minimizing , and mocking. "Oh, you really like blue birds". Yes, that's the culmination of who I am, that I like bluebirds.

What about the other things about me, that you never mention, how I"m a good student, how I can always tell when youre lying, how youre behavior is suspect?

It was like we were two people who should have never shared the same space, and yet there we were. Her feeling nothing but some reluctant resentful, obligation to me, and me knowing it and not understanding why I was living with someone who clearly didnt want me around.

Her looking at me like "why are you even here?" and me looking at myself thinking "why am I even here, .........with YOU of all people?"