Living with DA after the discard and I’m losing it

He dumped me about a month ago and we’re still on the lease together for another 8 months and neither of us can leave yet due to the financial situation. It’s been my living hell. He discarded me and he’s acting like it didn’t cost him a damn thing. I’m struggling so hard, crying myself to sleep almost every night while he’s literally humming tunes and singing and floating around the house like nothing happened. He hasn’t shown one single negative emotion, no sign of grief or remorse or sadness. It genuinely feels like a stab in the gut every time I see him acting aloof, like none of this meant anything to him. 5 years. Wasted. I don’t think he actually ever cared or loved me. What hurts more is that I was dumb enough to fall for his lies every single time.

He said some pretty awful things at the end too, and all these wounds I have to live with and he gets off scott-free, because I never sunk down to his level and hurt him the way he hurt me. I don’t know how I’m meant to cope. I hate him and I never want to see him again, I love him and I want him back. Feels like a big cruel joke that I am not in on.