Am I supposed to consider suicide a complete non-starter of an idea?

Before anyone gets too concerned, I don't think I'm suicidal anymore, but I've realised I'm not completely sure.

I remember what it was like, and it's definitely not like that anymore.

But is it really so weird to view life as a series of costs and benefits, and if the costs outweigh the benefits, to just stop doing that? It honestly feels like it makes perfect rational sense.

There are a certain set of conditions where if they are met, I will set things in motion to end it all in 2-10 weeks, depending on funds. These conditions are not easy to meet, but they can get met suddenly, all at once. Does that still count as being suicidal? It's not like I want to right now, but I know when I will, and I don't have an instinct that stops me.

The conditions have changed at various points in my life, as has the plan, but this is a state that I've honestly considered normal for the majority of my life, both before and after I was irrationally suicidal. If we only count >18yo as valid, then it's not the majority because I'm not 36 yet, but then it's my entire adult life.