How do I process abuse and friendship loss?

I’m struggling to process a series of events that have left me completely destabilised, and I’m wondering how people move forward from this kind of layered betrayal.

I was in a relationship with my ex of 5 years who is a severe alcoholic. When he was drunk, he would become aggressive, scream at me, and at times get violent if I would refuse to sleep with him. He would punch holes in walls and scream in my face. (Just to name a few) after this started happening I lost all of my sex drive and thought I had become asexual, and there were so many instances of where my boundaries weren’t respected, and I felt pressured or coerced into things I didn’t feel comfortable with. At the time, I minimised it and blamed myself, but looking back I can see that it wasn’t healthy, safe, or consensual.

Living in that environment left me anxious, hypervigilant, and constantly on edge. I was so anxious every time he would drink (everyday) and I felt like I was always trying to prevent the next outburst or keep the peace.

During or after that relationship, I experienced a major betrayal involving my best friend and a very close family member. They engaged with my ex behind my back and kept things from me and lied about things that directly involved him and my personal situation. There were conversations and interactions I wasn’t aware of. When I found out, I felt blindsided and deeply humiliated.

What hurt most wasn’t just the contact itself it was the secrecy and the feeling that people I trusted were aligning with someone who had hurt me so deeply. I didn’t feel protected or supported. I had informed them on the abuse.

When everything came to light, I felt so unsafe and betrayed that I made the decision to cut them all off to protect myself.

The aftermath has been brutal. Everyone in my life is somewhat socially intertwined, and to make it worse, my now ex best friend’s other close friend is now dating my ex and they all hang out together. Seeing that feels like being erased and replaced.

Another painful layer has been not feeling fully believed. Him being someone who is known as ‘the life of the party’, a nice person when he’s sober and 99% of people not seeing his violent side, I’ve had to deal with comments made behind my back like, “he wouldn’t have done that to her on purpose.” Hearing that has been incredibly invalidating. It makes it feel like his alcoholism or intent matters more than the harm that was done to me. It has made me question my own reality and wonder if I’m overreacting, even though I know what I experienced. I’ve found myself distanced from a lot of people that I trusted, and I feel so isolated and lonely.

Since all of this, I’ve been struggling for months with intense rumination, hypervigilance, OCD spirals, and difficulty trusting people especially in relationships. I question myself constantly and wonder if I am overreacting and questioning was my experience even domestic violence?

How do you heal from sexual abuse, emotional and physical aggression, and then social betrayal and minimisation on top of it? How do you rebuild trust in yourself when people excuse the person who hurt you?