I’m a Single Christian Girl… and I Want S*x.

Problem/Goal: This is a throw away account. I’m a Single Christian Girl… and I Want S*x.

Context:
I'm “The good girl.” The "laki" at "sagradong katoliko". But here’s the truth no one talks about loudly, lalo dito sa Pinas: I want to be intimate with someone.
I want to feel someone wanting me physically. I want to experience that connection.. not just emotionally or spiritually, but in my body.

And I’m scared of marrying someone someday and finding out we’re not compatible in bed. People say, “A dead bedroom is a dead marriage.” What if I commit for life and realize we don’t connect that way? What if I’ve waited my whole life only to struggle in silence?

Part of me thinks: shouldn’t I know? Shouldn’t I experience it with the person before fully committing?

But then there’s my faith. I was taught to honor the marriage bed. Maghintay daw.
And now I feel torn between desire and devotion.

Sometimes I even think, “Kahit one night stand, papatusin ko na.”

Just to know. Just to feel it.
But then the guilt creeps in.
The fear of disappointing God.

I don’t hate my faith. Di ko naman gustong magrebelde. Pero tao din ako.
And I don’t think wanting s*x makes me evil. I think it makes me alive.

Ang hirap kaya maging single, tapos may cravings ka ng katawan ng lalake. HAHAHAAHA.

Previous Attempts: I’m just trying to figure out how to hold both ... my beliefs and my desires ... without losing myself in the process.