Paperwork signed, just got to send it in.

Hi everyone.

I posted a while back and just been lurking the board for a while. I (42m) have been unhappy with my marriage for about a decade now. The last five years I feel have been declining bad, and about two years ago I told her I didnt want to be married anymore.

Most of the reason was I felt like I was pulling alot of the weight in the relationship. We have been together since we were sixteen, married for 18 years this month. Somewhere down the line, I finished college, got a good job, got a better job, went back to school and at least try to continuously improve as a person.

She dropped out of college, dropped out of college again, refuses to work, and basically became content with just drinking and smoking all day, while watching TV.

After several years of this, I just couldnt do it anymore. I feel like resentment just built more and more until I couldnt handle it anymore.

When I told her I didnt want to be married, she said she would get a job and go to school. I waited it out to see if anything would change but it never did.

I basically waited things out again so I was in a better position to do what needed to be done.

And now, after filing for divorce, she never find a response and im basically looking at the paperwork saying no alimony, no lost retirement, your free. Just sign and send it back.

And now im an emotional wreck. Im trying to stay focused, but its so much going on in my head with this, and everything else in my life I just feel so overwhelmed. I have friends that have been there for me, but its hard not letting these emotions spill into my other relationships with good people. I actually pissed off a couple close friends to where those relationships might not be the same, if its still a relationship left.

And then I get that realization that for the first time im my adult life im going to be alone. I wasted all this time with someone I truly loved and still do love, and im coming out with nothing. We were together forever and we built absolutely nothing. No kids, no family, ect....

Have any of you hit a point like this? How did you handle it. And yess i plan on getting a therapist soon.